I’ve had quite the change of events over the past two weeks. If you remember either in my last post or video that I created about gratitude as well as finding that passion/calling in your life, you will remember be saying that I felt this big change was coming. I didn’t know what it was – actually, I thought I was going to die, but turns out I was about to live – to truly understand what it was like to live.
I’ve struggled with writing this because for some, actually for many including myself, is a drastic change in my life.
I didn’t know it was going to happen but I see it slowly yet so quickly taking form.
Years ago after my awakening, I had about two years full of the most amazing experiences. I was actually connecting with energy in the most interesting ways in which I didn’t think were possible. During that time, and even after, I started to have this, shall I call fascination with energy. I was actually the happiest I had ever been. But then once I separated with my husband, single parenting a 6 month and 3 year old took priority and I put my spirituality aside and focused on parenting.
I once had a Medium that was also a teacher of mine when I was trying to get into Mediumship. She went into trance and a message that came out from her was one that I couldn’t get out of my head and had so much truth to it.
This energy, this power knew that I would push back, it knew there would be struggles that would take me away from my work but it said that no matter what I did or where I would go, it would follow. Basically, there was no way to get away from it. Also, to understand that the power that I had in being able to connect to spirit should be possibly used in another way in which I didn’t think would be possible.
Here I was thinking that when I fell off the boat of Mediumship, one day I would magically have a ghost appear and I would take off into Mediumship again. But if I wasn’t supposed to do this, what purpose would I have to connect to spirit IF I wasn’t supposed to be a medium. I pondered this question a lot up until this week.
She was right, the desire for that connection never stopped. Well, when it did, the Universe definetly got my attention to get back on track. Then I would fall off again getting side tracked with parenting and life. And again, I would feel this pull, truly like a magnet making me feel that there is something I am meant to do – something I am needed for.
Again, all I could think about was my desire from a young age to want to help the masses and the desire for my ability to….talk to dead people. So, I started meditating and focusing on connecting to spirit.
But nothing – I would get distracted, unmotivated, everything was just pointing not for me to focus just on this because I needed to be used for something else.
About a year back, I was introduced to what you call Manifestation. From what I knew, all you had to do was think about the things you wanted and do a vision board and as long as you looked at it every day, TADA, you would get what you want. So I read up on it, I did my vision board (more like a vision paper), thought about everything I wanted and nothing would come true. Nothing. Even that desire I put on my board about becoming a medium, it just kept seeming to fail! The thoughts of negativity started to ring through my mind. Still, nothing happened so I put it to the side and eventually forgot about it
Then I changed my job of 13 years to a new job. One that paid more and was going to give me more opportunity – more of what I thought I wanted. This was not on my vision board. The job didn’t make me happier, in fact it frustrated me even more ebcuase I thought this would make me happy.
That’s when the pull, the desire came back. I felt motivation to write my book but the book was painful. I had to keep going over the painful parts of my life and it was feeling like torture.
OK so now what, Universe? Now what do you want from me?
Before the new year I had been lying in bed. Generally when I “pray” I talk to the Universe or the energies around me. This time, I talked to God. This is a word that I have never used except in vain. Not sure what came over me but something within just made me feel like I needed to talk specifically to God. So I did.
And that’s when everything changed.
I was directed (pulled) heavily on Jan 3 to make a change. I knew somehow that my life was about to change but still so very unclear as to how. I just sat back and got ready for the ride, whatever it may be. I was really just hoping that I wasn’t going to die.
An email came through about a video, which lead to a book which lead to another video and then two more books. They all somehow had this huge pull on me to read them even though I really, honestly despised reading. In total over the last two weeks, I have ready three books; ¾ of the way through the second book I was introduced to a video that spoke of another book. I mean, the way this all happened was crazy. It wasn’t just because of cookies, these were actual videos sent from me at different times from different avenues. None of them the interwebs (always wanted to use that non-word word).
Through these books I realized that I, as well as the majority of us, have been living our lives all wrong. At first it made me laugh and give the side eye because it seems like quite the jump from normal life to what some would call a Godly life but in all of the teachings from Him, I realized that this whole manifestation thing, we’ve got it all wrong. I mean, we have it right but there was a reason why I created my board, thought about what I wanted and it didn’t come to fruition. Not only that but that desire I had for such a long time, to help others, can be manifested by living this Godly life.
The more I read, the more I realized just a few things to start:
- That desire I had was God (my Higher Self) pushing me to learn about and getting me ready to fulfil that in which I desired to do for the world and the things I wanted for those around me, including myself.
- The thoughts and feelings I have toward people, the interactions I have and the things/happenings in the physical world need to be reshaped to be only good thoughts.
- It’s not about me. We are all one collective energy, we all have the powers and things we need when the time comes in which we need them.
- Love. Live a life in which only good, positivity and love exists.
- Stop the judgement not only on others but myself and stop putting unrealistic expectations on my mind, body and soul.
Now don’t worry friends and family…this doesn’t mean I am walking around with a Bible preaching to people or converting them to a religion – I don’t believe in that. But what I will be doing is making some massive changes, living and acting according to what The Impersonal Self should live and you can watch the changes unfold.
There are so many things in which I wish to share about living a life from pure love.
As they say, actions are louder than words. So I will prove this to you. I am ready to change my life, to flip it upside down to share with the word all the greatness that can come to your life if you can do the same. I am not asking you to buy a course, I am simply asking for you to listen, no matter how absurd you think it might be. There is truth to it all – just be open.
I feel lucky. I have been waiting for 5 years for something like this to happen – I had no idea it would be this. In fact THIS is better than what I had imagined it would be like.
As I start,
I am in a lifeless, unfulfilling job
I am a single parent living in a very expensive city
I have health problems
I am loveless
I struggle financially
I am in debt (like us all I am sure)
I’m dying to make that positive impact
And again, the list doesn’t end here but out of all that, I found this calling, I found out how to answer the call and now my Soul is ecstatic and whatever is going on around me, need not be my business unless it’s for me to help or make a positive impact.
I am now truly happy for I know that once you see the changes this can make, you too, can be just as happy, if not happier!
Sincerely, Christine
I See Zen People 